I Will Always Be a South Dakota Girl

Hello!
Now that I have been up in this winter wonderland and escaped my cabin I have made friends here and there. Well I tend to try and be a very helpful, and kind person. I do what I can to make other peoples lives better.  I have had many people ask me where I am from. I always say South Dakota with a big smile. (Apparently I also have an accent when I say it and a few other words haha.) They are always saying  I need to meet more people from South Dakota you are so nice.  I also get asked why people there are so and willing to go out of their way to help others. I explain that is just how everyone is. Everyone is willing to pitch in and help you if you needed it. Say you just had a baby and you can't cook for your family. At least 2 people will bring you a meal. We are hard workers and if we see a job that needs to get done we do it, or if someone needs help and they can't tackle it themselves we tend to jump in. It is just built into us the day we are born. I don't know why we are this way but it doesn't bother me one bit. 

I love being a girl from South Dakota! No matter where I go in this world that will always be my home!  I will still have my roots there in the land of hospitality,hard work, making a mean casserole,and generally being a nice person. South Dakota has raised me well.

Koda and Moving Day

Well hello world.
So yay all, well most of our house hold goods arrived. We are missing a few things so I'm going through the list and checking it twice. However Koda is having a hay day. So when the movers showed up he was extremely excited to meet new people! However we couldn't keep him out so we put him in the bathroom. Them he wouldn't stop barking. So I went and sat with him which worked out since there really wasn't room for me anyway. So after the movers left Austin and I started unpacking things and let Koda out. Well we decided about 5 mins in  that he is also part cat and mountain goat. I should have gotten a picture but he was everywhere and in everything. He was in boxes, jumping from furniture to furniture since they were all stuck so close together. He was sniffing everything since it smells like my dogs from back home.  Climbing in-between things carrying paper around. It was pretty funny. So we left to help a few friends out and we needed a break. So we brought Koda with us. When we came home he played around a bit as Austin and I unpacked the last few boxes.  Well we hadn't heard him running around at all. Normally when your puppy is quite he is up to no good or sleeping like most toddlers do. Well we called his name and threw his toys around. No Koda any where. Well he loves to play hide and sleep. Well now that he has more places to play his favorite game it gets a little tricky to find him. So we looked and looked he was under a coffee table with boxes all around it with  a gap just big enough for him to fit through. He is one silly dog!
I guess I should get back to moving things around and organizing. Have a good day!

When the Grinch and Buddy the Elf Share a Spotify account.

Hello!
So as many of you know I am pretty much Buddy the Elf when the clock strikes 12 AM on December first. Sometimes a few days before that. Well my wonderful husband is the Grinch when it comes to this holiday season. How did Buddy the Elf marry the Grinch ? Well we are still trying to figure that one out. He is a good sport and puts up with most of my shenanigans.
  Well we share a Spotify account and I was adding music and making some playlists the other day mostly Christmas tunes. However I am still learning how to use Spotify. I had downloaded a playlist 101 Christmas songs because it had the favorite old ones and the new ones. I though it would make its own tab on the playlist section no big deal right!? Huh well it added it the library of music. Now I have my playlists that I only listen too. Austin on the other  hand listens to the whole library because it is all of his playlists. So Austin was listening to music and driving around with one of his friends and all of sudden it changed to Christmas music he was like what is going on, skipped through the next few songs and they were all Christmas. His friends looked at him and said " I didn't have you pegged as the holiday spirt guy". Austin then said " I am not I am married to Buddy the Elf and this is her doing".  When he told me I laughed so hard I cried. So I oops my bad!

The bad luck fairy.

Hello world,
Well Alaska isn't great at all. The bad luck fairy really loves to play around with Austin and I. I have been here for a whole month and I have tried so hard to like it. Yes it is beautiful and there is so many adventures, but let's have real talk here for a minute. I don't get out of my house very much do to having one vehicle,it is cold and well going for walks when it is -25 is not my puppies idea of fun or mine.  Then back home my dog died. Our house can't get WiFi, our water  has so much sulfur in it which the didn't tell us! Oh and then there is our car. The drivers side door window just decided to crack and break one day for no reason, and we can't plug it in at night do to the fact that it shorts out . So every night I go run the car for 30 mins to an hour every few hours so that it will run in the morning for Austin to go to work. Then the other day it was -32 out side and our car decided to die when Austin was driving home from PT to change. So now we are carless until we can fix our or find a new one. We thought we could get a rental from our insurance but that is a no. Then someone was going to let us barrow a car but now they aren't leaving. Soooo we really don't know what to do. It is so great being in Alaska. At lest I have like 3 friends here , that I can't see. Ugh sorry this post is something from the Grinch but honestly there is nothing good going for us. I just sit at home with my stupid puppy, in my empty house with nothing to cook with or bake no movies to watch or furniture to sit on. I have a blow up bed and a giant teddy  bear. Hopefully all our stuff gets here before Austin leaves for a month in January. I also would love to be living on base by then. If we don't have a car I can't finish my paperwork finished on Monday!  The joys of being in the Army in Alaska. Well here is to December and praying things get better because damn it this my favorite month of the year. I want to bake and decorate and have friends over! Hopefully soon that will be a reality. The only thing holding my hopes together right now.

Koda logic #3!

So Koda is too stinking smart. Well most mornings if he needs to go #2 he barks at the door. If he needs to go #1 he will sit at the door and wait. Well this morning Koda was barking at the toilet. So Austin picked him up and was like umm Koda this is a toilet you don't use it. I was like well maybe he is thirsty? We checked his water bowl but it was full and he went and barked and tried to get on the toilet. Well Austin was like ok maybe he needs to go out side since he barking like he needs too. He took him out and he went potty.
Koda had connected that we use the toilet to go potty so he could use it or bark at it so we would take him out. What a crazy smart dog we have.

Koda logic #2

Koda Logic for the day : So we have had Koda two weeks today. This silly dog has been wanting to get in the bathtub all the time. He will whine till I put him in. He wasn't able to have a bath till he got  his shots today. He has been so itchy and smelled so I was like oh he must really want a bath. Well today after shots we came home and gave him a bath. Koda who loves the bathtub hates baths.... Thanks goodness he is so small so he won't jump out!

We have also learned that Koda is a hoarder. Austin had his gear out for packing for his field training trip. He was cleaning it up and he found a whole bunch of toys and bones hidden under his cloths and bags.

Oh Koda you silly dog.

When your dog is choking and you have to be a super dog mom.

So last night after we ventured to PetCo with Koda we came home and started setting his kennel up and making dinner.  Austin was cooking and I was doing kennel stuff. Koda was eating his food normally he doesn't eat very fast. Well he starts coughing and gagging and wouldn't stop then he was having issues breathing. I was like Austin Koda is choking!!!! He was like I don't know what to do! Well I had seen a few things on Dog CPR and what to do if they are choking! Plus working with a million children I have had CPR and First aid every year forever! So first I patted his back hard. The wasn't working so I  stuck my fingers down his throat to get the foreign object out and he coughed it  up just like the teach you to do with babies. Austin just looked at me like how in the world did you know how to do that?!  Many people don't think about there pets choking and needing help but on bigger dogs you can use the Heimlich and on smaller dogs. Since Koda is so little I didn't want to break him. If you want to know how to save your dog from choking here is what to do if your dog is   choking for dummies! Gotta keep your fur babies safe! http://www.dummies.com/pets/dogs/what-to-do-when-your-dog-is-choking/ 

Koda Logic post #1

Koda Logic for today : It is a lovely 16 degrees outside today.  Koda went for a longer walk then yesterday, and the day before when it was beautiful 26 degrees. He was shivering and whining when we got to the house yesterday.

Koda also loves car rides but if one passes on the road while we are walking he dives into a snow pile to hide. 

Oh the joys of being a dog mom. He is way to cute not love him !
Side note it has been 3 days since we have had any potty accidents in the house all I can say is that is a win! Yes small victories make me happy.

Lazy days with Koda in a winter wonderland

Well hello!
So I am having a lazy day with my 8 week old puppy Koda which I didn't expect from him. He is the most chill puppy I have ever met. Hopefully that he stays like that or else I am in for some trouble as he gets bigger.  So I have been in the winter land of North Pole Alaska for a whole week as of today. It has been interesting to say the least. I dont have anything in my house other then a Xbox t.v and a bed, so at least potty training goes pretty well. Austin works during the day but comes home after P.T and for lunch. Most of the day I'm by myself since I don't have a car and going to learn to drive his. He has a stick shift so pray for him teaching me and we all know my driving record but I don't have a garage to crash into this time. So most days I go for a walk afternoon, I get all bundled up and explore my neck of the woods. Well now that we have Koda and it has been really really cold he doesn't like being out to long so walks are out of the question. However he does really well on the leash. I think we might need to get him a sweater and some snow dog shoes. I know putting a dog in a sweater is silly but he is a baby and doesn't have think fur yet. Also potty training in winter is slight ridiculous. We did try looking for older dogs. Most were sled dogs and if they got out we see them again and we live by a busy road or the dogs wouldn't work for military standards so we got a puppy. He is lucky he is cute the hole waking up in the morning at 5 am thing is not  my favorite but he naps with me later in the morning so it isn't so bad haha. Well I am babbling. Alaska is beautiful it snowed a little so the trees are look amazing. No worries more pictures will be up soon. :)! 

I am out of here !

Well hello there,
So finally have some good news! I booked my ticket to go to Alaska! As of October 31st I am out of here :)!  Now some of  you might have some questions. No my paperwork didn't get processed. We are just not waiting another 3-4 months. We will be living off base for now till my paperwork is done. I am so excited to see what this journey will bring.  I am really happy that I will be with Austin again I have missed him so much! 5 months is way to long to be way from each other. I have been going stir crazy! I am also so scared but I am ready to go and I think everyone around me is ready too. They keep telling me to get out of here but they love me haha. It is a bitter sweet moment knowing that I get to leave. I have never lived outside of this wonderful state of South Dakota. Everything and everyone I know comes from this amazing place. It has been the best place to grow up. I will always have my roots here. So if you would like to see me before I go feel free to call or text or Facebook me!  Don't worry I'll be blogging and taking pictures all the time! If you want to be pen pals I am also down for that :)!  Thank you all for the postive thoughts, and prayers. 

The Travel Bug

Hello people who are cool enough to read my blog!
So apparently I have been bit by the traveling bug this year! I have made a few trips around South Dakota driving. However I have also traveled to Florida twice now and soon to be Alaska twice o sure hope. By the time I am done traveling and moving I have figured I have flown roughly 20 thousand miles. Which is insane I haven't been on a plane that much in my hole life. My latest adventure was back to Florida we went to see my grandma and she was doing so much better then the last time I saw her. We played UNO and talked more so that was nice. Last time I was in Florida she was still very sick . After we spent some time in Jacksonville we went to Saint Augustine and took a trolley and learned the rich history of the area. It was really beautiful! They had been hit my hurricane Matthew pretty hard. Many people were cleaning up the aftermath. The houses on the seafront had been flooded . Most of the stops still were not open yet. After that we traveled back to Orlando. That night we saw Cirque du Soleil. Man that was a amazing show. It was mind blowing the things they can do. If you get the chance you really should see one of their shows.  The next day we split up Jessica and mom went to Universal to Harry Potter. Luke, my Aunt Julie, and I went to discovery cove. I didn't get out of the water much. It was incredible. They had a reef with over 40 fish and sting rays that were way bigger then  me. It was fun snorkeling minus inhaling water. Luke was so excited too. He has been taking snorkeling lessons so it made him more excited to go on his trip somewhere tropical sometime. I can't even describe how magical it was to swim with the fish! It is something I would love to do in a heartbeat. Hopefully next time we are able to spend time dolphins also. After  that we went to sea world for a show and saw the Killer Whales. They are so huge! I hope I can see them while I am in Alaska on a Cruise!  Overall it was a quick but fun trip! I am so tired. I need a vacation from my vacation!

Finding the Good in Bad

Hello Everyone,
So we all have a time that kicks on our butts and we hit rock bottom. Being in South Dakota the last 4 months has been a blessing and a curse. It has been really hard on Austin and I being 3051.5 miles away and having a three hour time difference.  Honestly I don't know how we do it. However being here has been good for me. Well since I have still been here I have had multiple going away parties which is fun and all but I hate yanking my friends that way thinking I'm leaving bit never do. I have been able to see new babies I didn't think I was gonna be able to see. Hang out with my kids and there families a few more times. I also have been blessed to travel to Florida and see my family and my grandma. There has been lots of hurting but also lots of joy. I have been really struggling lately and things get lonely. I know I have my family and friends but sometimes I get stuck in my head. I love taking pictures so I can remember things and people's faces or a time I was growing as a person. So when my head is in a place that isn't so fun o go for a long walk with my dogs, listen to my music and find things to help me see the good in the world even if I think it is falling  apart.  Sometimes it hard though my head takes over and everything gets cloudy and my anxiety takes over and I can't help but just sit and wonder what if this were different. Anxiety is hard to deal with and I try not to let it take over my lonely soul. It is a learning process. I try to control everything but I can't. So as I sit in South Dakota waiting since the military is a hurry up and wait kind of business I am going to find the good and hope I get good news this week. If not I am going to be taking lots of pictures this week and if I get good news  I will be taking pictures too. Plus when I  get there I will take lots of pictures for good reasons and not so good. Because leaving this place and all the people who have made a impact on my life is going to be really rough on me.

Co2 wine bottle openers

Hello world I have a PSA about exploding wine bottles with a CO2 wine opening device. This week mom and I were watching a movie and decided we wanted some wine with our dinner. So mom was going to use her CO2 wine opener that she had for sometime and used it before. However the bottle of wine I got was bigger then normal wine bottles and when the pressure went into the bottle wine explosion went everywhere. We are lucky the glass went away from my mom instead of impaling her! The bottom came out of the bottle and a chunk of the side and the top. I am glad it was pink wine and not red! There was wine on the walls all over mom in the cupboard on the floor it was a giant mess! So if you have a fancy wine opener make sure you read the very small print or you will have a very interesting night.

Slightly Exctied For Winter

Hello Lovely People,

So I have been pretty sick for about the past week. Yesterday my mom got me out of the house and I did a little shopping. Now all the cloths have gone from summer fun to fall and winter cute and comfy.  I mean I bought a cute vest for when the weather changes. Which hit me I am moving to a winter wonderland soon. I might not love winter for it is cold weather, freezing winds against my face, ice I tend to break limbs on and well it being dark all the time. However I love fall and winter cloths. It is my favorite time of year for clothing. I love wearing cute vets, tall boots,leggings ,giant sweaters and, hats. Plus I mean I love making snow men, snow angels, hot coco and playing board games by the fire. So I guess this is one plus side to moving to the far north. I am looking froward to a new winter wardrobe and some winter weather. I know school is just starting and it is still warm out but I am so ready for fall and winter. I have to look to the bright side of winter right? 

First Trip To Alaska

Well Wonderful people of the world wide web I made my first trip to Alaska. I loved it minus I got horribly sick and well could not do anything I really wanted too. Thank goodness I have such a wonderful Husband who took care of me the whole weekend.  Yes I know he has caring bones in his body might be a shocker to a few of you . I couldn't talk most of the weekend so I either had to type it up on my phone or austin just knew what I wanted because he just understands Erin faces haha. However it was so beautiful flying in and well  when I got there I was like wow this pretty much just like the Black Hills but bigger and possibly better. The weather is like spring and fall in South Dakota. It rained most of the time and it was cooler. which I don’t mind I know that it can get hot but it was wonderful. I didn’t get to see much wild life this trip other then giant crows and almost as large misquotes. Austin wasn’t joking when he said both were crazy huge. We did drive around Fairbanks and Post so I could learn what was around for places to go, food,shopping and get a basic lay out of everything before I move up here. My last day I was finally feeling better so we go out and walked around a few places. Of course I had to be a tourist a little bit since I have never really left the midwest minus Florida. We went to Pioneer Park which is really awesome. They took a hole bunch of old cabins from different places or restored them and painted them fun colors. They also had cute little shops and museums in them as well. I will before to explore it more when I don’t have to get to the airport the same day. We also stopped at Pike’s Peak Where I saw a giant sign that Says Love Alaska so I had to to take a picture of course. Fairbanks for only having 30,000 people is pretty spread out and has a lot more then I thought compared to places in South Dakota that roughly have the same amount of people.  Post Is also way bigger then I thought it would be however I am told it is pretty small. It is crazy beautiful and there is so many things to do. They have ski and snowboarding slopes,bowling,gyms,shooting ranges,archery, a few different lakes, places to eat. So you could say I am getting excited to move up there. 

It was a quick trip but a great one. I really needed to see Austin it was really good for my sanity.  It was also a pretty good experience to travel by myself too. I was so scared to fly alone for the first time. All my flights to Alaska people were so nice and help. I made friends along the way and they made sure I was feeling ok or helped me figure out where I was going next and how to find a new plane after I missed mine. One person I will be seeing again once I finally get to Alaska is another Army wife on the same post as me. We both missed our flights from Seattle to Fairbanks so we stuck together the rest of the way once we got out flights figured out and we even got to sit together. It is a great feeling knowing someone on base all ready. It made things much easier the last part of my flight.  It was also awesome to meet some of Austin’s friends who will have a rude awaking when I get there and I can actually talk because I will be able to fire right back at them.

Once again I want to give a shout out to my mom for getting me tickets to see Austin! It was the best even if I was supper sick the whole time!!! Hopefully my trip home today will go smoothly.

Puppy crazy, but older dogs need homes too.

Hello Wonderful Humans,

        Many people know that I am pretty puppy and dog crazy. My family calls me the dog whisper because I make friends with any dog I have ever met since I was toddler. Doesn't matter the size, or kind of dog I love them all. At my dad's house I have two dogs Kiwi and Whopper who I love to pieces and take them every where with me when I am home. At the in-laws They have 3 derpy dogs who I love Micah, Zeke and Roy. However now that I am married Austin and I have been thinking about getting a puppy or a dog. I was really set on getting a tiny puppy to train and raise. I have now reconsider this a few times now. My wonderful mother In Law Brenda works for the Western Hills Humane Society and well I have had few conversation about adopting puppies with her. I know one I need a place to live for a while before getting a new dog. Since brining a dog into a house that isn’t ready or set up for them can be a challenge. We need to be settled and take one kind of change at a time. Also puppies are like having a brand new baby who wake you up, needs attention all the time and training.  While I have been staying in Belle Fourche we have been fostering a puppy from the shelter who we have called a millions names. He is a Lab Mastiff mix so he is going to be a big boy. I fell in love him pretty much the second I met him. However I did learn what it is like to have a tiny little puppy again which can be exhausting. Cleaning up after the piddle pup all the time. Trying to get him outside before he pees everywhere. Playing with him so he doesn’t chew up everything. We would try to take him on walks he would do pretty good for a while, then he would just flop over and fall asleep so I carried the 11 pound puppy  till he was ready to walk again, then pick him back up when he was tired. So you could say I was pretty tired by the end of the time we had him I don’t know how Brenda did it she would wake up at night to let him out and wake up early to take him out. 

So I have been thinking many older dogs just get left in shelters and don’t get adopted because people don’t want to get a dog that would die soon, or they just aren’t as cute as puppies or younger dogs.  We all know that puppies are cute but they don’t stay little forever. Older dogs all ready have personalities, they are potty trained and most know some obedience all ready. There are so many perks of getting a older dog. You don’t have to wake up every few hours to let them go out. They are much more laid back but are always ready to go with you. Older dogs normally won’t rip your house up if you leave them home by there selves. They still will warn you if some one is at your door and keep you safe.  Old dogs might not be with you forever but you will be forever for them.So many older dogs get looked over and I have had a change in heart about getting a new puppy. I am getting a older dog because they need love too even if it isn’t for every long.  If you can give them a few good years rather then just having them pass away in a shelter you are changing there world. So if you are planing on getting a dog plan on adopting from shelter not a pet store and think about getting a older dog they will love you for it.

Kiwi and Whopper

He was way to tired to walk

Kiwi

I guess that is a comfy way to sleep

Roy, Izzy, Michah and Zeke

Being alone can be ok.

Hey Everyone,

    I guess I have been writing lot of blogs this week it is kinda nuts. Posting two in one day hopefully is all right. I have been typing them up and publishing them when I have internet and time.  Well I have come to realize I am getting better at doing things by myself. I used to hate doing anything by myself, grocery shopping, eating somewhere, going cloths shopping, going to public places in general. Recently I have been doing more things with out other people and I feel pretty good about it. I still get anxiety a little bit not having a buddy but it is good to learn to be all right being alone. I feel like I am staring to understand myself more and getting to know myself again. My head has been cloudy this past year and I feel like I am growing and the sun is coming out again.
    This week I went to Reptile Gardens without anyone which was strange since I usually have someone from work come with me. So I went and I took pictures and it was really strange I had time to stop and enjoy the reptiles and animals. I wasn’t on anyone's schedule and could just relax. I went to a few of the shows and before the Gator wrestling show my mom called me. We talked for a few minutes about my day. I told her I was at Reptile Gardens by myself and she was like that's great that you are learning to do things by yourself. I guess I never realized that I was adjusting to it until we talked about it.  It is a crazy thing when you start understanding the things that cause you anxiety and you can slowly learn how to deal with them. I know that my anxiety about things will never  go away however learning to deal with it and growing.

Sisters:Built In Best Friends

Hello Everyone,
    So I had the pleasure of working with my sister while she was out here at Storm for a few weeks. At work we didn’t get along so hot all the time. However after work we were fine. We went on so many adventures even if they were little. Now that she is gone I am missing my built in best friend to go hang out and do things with. I mean I can go do stuff by myself but it is always better to have a buddy to go with. We did some of our favorite things from when we used to live here like going to Keystone for taffy, Chubby chipmunk, Armidillos for ice cream, driving the long way  to get places because it was prettier view. We also tried to go horse back riding but got rained out so hopefully next we have the chance we can. So now I sit here wishing I had someone to go hang with I realize  I am pretty lucky to have a wonderful sister.  Even though after she was two weeks old I asked my mom if we could take her back.  We have had our growing pains like most siblings but she has helped me get through so many things. Now
she is back to college and I am so proud of all the things she is doing!! 

Love you Jess!

This New Army Wife Thing.

Hello wonderful people,

    So I am most likely the worst blogger on the planet since I rarely do it, however now  I have some time on my hands again I can get some done I suppose. As many people know I am moving to Alaska at some point ( at least I hope so). Austin has been there with out me living on base and doing his field training. Which has been pretty rough on both of us.  It is a weird feeling thinking I could leave to go up there in two weeks or so , but I am not holding my breath but I have been say good bye for the last 3 months. Since they seem to love to mess my paper work up and not put me on his orders ( I might be getting a little mad about that). In this long transition period I have been traveling around seeing all my friends and spending time with my families. Which was working pretty good to keep my mind off Austin being away. Now it is getting pretty bad again so I am trying to deal with all of this and keep my head up.  I know I need to be positive and think that things are all great,but they aren’t and I quit thinking positive about it. I would rather be ready for the worst and be surprised that things actually are going as planned. I know I am a little backwards in thinking I just need to do it so I don’t get my hopes up.
    I also have been reading other Amy wives blogs to see if I can get answers or some kind of help….. turns out I am NOT  A STEREOTYPICAL  ARMY WIFE.   For reference  A typical Army wife is also married to the Army, Loves the army, runs all the events on base or attends all of them, can be slightly gossipy, and some think the rank of the spouse is also there rank so they think they can rule over the rest of the spouses. Which none of that applies to me!!!!!  I mean not all of them are like that .  I like hanging with the boys anyways. I really only have a few girl friends that I can stand. Most women drive me nuts.
    I get asked a lot why I married Austin if I am not so in love with the Army. Truth is folks I married him because I love him and he is my best friend. I support him in what ever he does.  I don’t have to love it I just have to be ok with it. Honestly the Army has been his dream since I first met him. I know he is not the kind of guy that would just sit around in a desk , or do manual labor for the rest of his life. That is just not who he is at all.
    So I have came up with a acronym for myself  with the help of my fantastic mother in law Brenda . NSTAW ( Non-Stereotypical Army Wife). So apparently I need to find a friend when I get there like me because Brenda says I can’t just have  four legged friends. So I think I might just place an add some where when I get there and I think it will go something like this:

    Army wife 21  searching other Army spouse  who is a NSTAW who loves dogs, wine, adventures, being one of the guys, who doesn’t gossip and is a tom barbie.

    Hopefully I will find a friend who is like me or I am just getting a bunch of dogs because they are pretty much what I look for in a human friend minus the wine part. Plus I will actually be able to talk to Austin and hang out with him when he is off work so maybe just dogs and Austin will be all right.

Also I never really know how to end a blog so hope you guys have a great day!

Higgins/Hendricks Mgee

Hello World,
This is a fair warning some of this blog might make a few people upset but I really needed to get this out in the world.
So I haven't blogged much lately and I mean like at all. Well my life as usal has been a world wind and really I have had no where to turn but hide under a rock until I was really ready to come out and just deal with things.  I have lost people, got married, my parents, moving a few times, figuring out life.Now today I am finally happy and ready to move on with things. I am glad I have people in my life who know me and not the fake me. As many people know I grew up a church kid living in pastors kid world living in a fish bowl. Only far and few really know who I am. Yes I am part of that world but in reality I am my own hannah montana life. I honestly could never go on a date with out running into at least 5 people from church, I couldn't never relax and, be me with out worrying it would affect my church life or my families life. Well now that I am all grow up and I don't have to live in my fish bowl world any more moving far away from South Dakota and North Dakota I finally feel free. Not that I don't love it here and all the people who have helped me grow learn and have been my friends. It is just hard when people don't actully know you and  just your dad.  I mean yes I did meet Austin through church events, but I could be real with him from the day I met him. It is hard to deal and feel things when you are being watched all the time. Now I have a few friends whp get me and I am so greatful for it. It makes me realize it is ok to be me in my own skin. I also know so many fake it until they get home. What happens behind closed doors never makes it out in the open. People pretend all the time. I am glad I am finally in a wold where doors are open and people talk and share who they are and it isn't a puppet game.